At the early stages of marriage, a man and a woman's appetite for sex seem complimentary. This is not surprising since the married couples will try to be as romantic, sensual and sexual as possible to please each other. They shower each other with love and attention as if everyday is the last day of the world.
As days, months and years go by, however, the honeymoon fever wanes, seemingly together with the excitement of sex. This doesn't mean that sex is totally forgotten. People just give more attention to so called "other aspects" of life. For many couples, sex becomes more of a routine than a sensuous, love-filled, rewarding experience. Thus, the sexual activity decreases, and the disappointment increases.
How important is sex - really - to a married couple? What do married couples or "partners" in love need to know about sex? Here's a rundown of the basics from sex experts: Mutual Sex
There are a number of things that most couples do not know about sexual chemistry. Oftentimes, they think that if they have sex often, then they have a happy sex life. But there is such a thing as mutual sex - the kind of sex where partners sense, observe and care about each other's needs.
According to Miriam Stoppard, M.D., author of The Magic of Sex, good sex is about giving - the desire to give and to think about your partner's desires.
There is a ton of differences in the way men and women feel and respond that make good sex difficult. Men are aroused quite quickly, while women are aroused rather slowly. Most women needs multiple orgasms to reach sexual climax, and if the man is unable to control himself, he may reached his own climax too quickly without giving enough time for his partner to reach her own.
Couples should be prepared to talk about what they need to attained blissful sex in a frank, candid and uninhibited but comfortable manner, so they could adjust to each other's need. Both should set aside their inhibitions regarding sex; they are after all committed to each other.
Raging hormones are by-products of youth, so don't expect a 60-year-old to be as active as a 20-year-old. The reasons why older people seem to pay less attention to sex is because they start finding "other meaning in life," such as work, preparing for the future, raising their children, and being concerned with their education. Older couples don't forget sex; they just focus more on other perspectives, which they consider more important than their sex life.
The frequency of sex in older people may be less, but this can be compensated by more passionate and pleasurable means. What have you learned about each of your sexual kinks and preferences that mutually give both of you the zenith of orgasms? These need to be applied whenever possible. What may lack in the frequency of sex can be offset by the quality of lovemaking. (See also How Age Difference Is A Factor In A Lasting Marriage?)
Myths About Sex
A lot of people believe that sex is an indicator of marital happiness - that an active sex life is the "everything" of a good marriage. This is a misconception that should be torn out from the pages of pornographic magazines.
Many couples have less-than-steaming sex lives; yet enjoy a peaceful and loving relationship. Friendship, trust, loyalty, charm and sensuality, there are many factors that keep a great relationship going.
According to Julia Sokol and Steven Carter, authors of What Really Happens In Bed, good sex can never save a bad relationship, and a good marriage can survive and sometimes flourish, despite mediocre or even problematic sex. That is, as long as both of the couples are willing to work on it.
Consider also that simple petting or cuddling can be more pleasurable than actual sexual intercourse.
According to the studies of the American biologist and sex and gender expert Alfred Kinsey (1894-1956), married couples in their 20s and early 30s have sex two to three times a week; those from 35 to 55, once or twice a week; and from 55 on, once every week or two. But Kinsey's studies are old, and today's generation of married couples is quite different from that of nearly a century ago.
Indeed, if Kinsey's studies would be taken into account, many of today's couples would be out-of-stroke. Time consumption, health problems, work schedules, and daily routines in the cyberage are more pronounced than it was during Kinsey's era.
According to the recent surveys, there is no definite gauge for "normal" frequency of sex. What's normal depends on a person's idea of normal. There is no such things as a fixed number of times for good sex. The range of actual frequency is quite wide, and baseline numbers are impractical. Each rate whether thrice a day or once a month is considered "normal" as long as both partners are satisfied about it.
Some couples don't really care much about frequency. Statistical averages should not affect your appetite for sex.